Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
