Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Let's get the cat blown out
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