Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
