well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
