I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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