So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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