i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
