sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
