apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
