Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize