I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
