whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
