u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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