I'm eating all of the evidence.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
