Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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