we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
