tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
