Having a random hookup so left but love u
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
