I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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