We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
