so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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