I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
