I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
