it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
