the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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