I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
