ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
