tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
