you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
