R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
