We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
