i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
