Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
only you would photoshop your dick
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize