He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
as a side note pls kill me
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
