I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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