Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
