I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
