I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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