My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
