Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
