You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
