He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
accomplished twins. life is a go
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
