well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
