We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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