Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
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