Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
