Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
