i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
