I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize