I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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