He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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