Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
operation have a gay friend backfired
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
