dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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