I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
