omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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