Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
