My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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