so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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