he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The adults are the big ones right?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
