well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
