There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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