i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
