fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
