What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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